Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
