He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
