he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
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