Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
