I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
