On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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