last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Two words: blizzard sex
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
