you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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