i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
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