How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Randomize
