I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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