a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
North Korea, Best Korea!
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
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