I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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