You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
pray to the hookup gods
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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