Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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