i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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