i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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