I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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