Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
