Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize