I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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