Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
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