I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
