if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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