Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
