i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
