is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
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Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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