your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
