dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
