I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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