It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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