Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize