we should wear snuggies to the strip club
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
