Your dad touched me again.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
