wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
You took a bar mat shot.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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