he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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