ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.