Texts From Last Night

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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.

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  (610): dude, she masturbates with a ken doll. http://tfl.nu/7x56
  Replies (66) Good night (1407) Bad night (7522)
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  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis

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  (414): I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis http://tfl.nu/ml6e
  Replies (6) Good night (1040) Bad night (3296)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.

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  (617): she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE. http://tfl.nu/mzqa
  Replies (5) Good night (2697) Bad night (1325)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?

  (416): View more from Toronto

  yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.

  (519): View more from Ontario

  next time on intervention

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  (519): isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks? (416): yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off. (519): next time on intervention http://tfl.nu/rnty
  Replies (1) Good night (2767) Bad night (720)
• Favorite

  (319): View more from Iowa

  I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.

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  (319): I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine. http://tfl.nu/o11z
  Replies (7) Good night (1471) Bad night (806)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.

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  (703): I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks. http://tfl.nu/40kn
  Replies (3) Good night (1693) Bad night (618)
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  (+33): View more from France

  He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands

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  (+33): He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands http://tfl.nu/mwrj
  Replies (3) Good night (1232) Bad night (525)
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  (901): View more from Tennessee

  ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.

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  (901): ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon. http://tfl.nu/tiqj
  Replies (4) Good night (1457) Bad night (457)
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  (775): View more from Nevada

  You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home

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  (775): You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home http://tfl.nu/dzie
  Replies (4) Good night (919) Bad night (399)
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  (+61): View more from Australia

  I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.

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  (+61): I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad. http://tfl.nu/47hi
  Replies (3) Good night (1090) Bad night (327)
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  (940): View more from Texas

  I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused

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  (940): I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused http://tfl.nu/s5e1
  Replies (2) Good night (1134) Bad night (371)
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  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.

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  (918): I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time. http://tfl.nu/atlw
  Replies (1) Good night (815) Bad night (363)
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  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....

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  (306): we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter.... http://tfl.nu/0sk3
  Replies (2) Good night (309) Bad night (591)
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.

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  (612): I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone. http://tfl.nu/naxz
  Replies (1) Good night (388) Bad night (570)
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  (585): View more from New York

  The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.

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  (585): The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way. http://tfl.nu/4p5k
  Replies (4) Good night (826) Bad night (153)

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