His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
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Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
god, I love you
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
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He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.