Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
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Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
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You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.