I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
29 Super Simple DIY Drinking Games
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress