I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
