just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
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