there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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