Your mouth is God's brothel.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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