I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
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can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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