I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
