her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
