We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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