i dedicated my morning wood to you.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
