I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
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He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
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You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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