He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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