Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Randomize
