Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
