I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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