They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
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is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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