So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
