Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
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