life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
