Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
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So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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