Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
zippers are such a cool invention
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
