So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
